Why Love is Never about Finding Similarities or Differences

By Rayi Noormega - May 24, 2017


I believe that almost everybody has no clue about whom, when, and how they will meet the one. Maybe that’s why people always listen to love songs and watch romantic movies; they want to know how the real love should be and imagine their own versions of the one, whom we always look for. Love happens without guidelines and we should figure everything out by ourselves.
One question regarding the one that never leaves my mind is, “Is it similarities or differences that will make two people attract and stay with each other?”
Similarities definitely will attract love, simply because it makes us able to spend the things we like with that special person. But, love also comes to those couples who are extremely different because differences could make their lives multicolor than it used to be.
I am a perfectionist person and I was always selective in choosing someone to date with. Thus, I used to have particular types of guy and those similarities or differences were always been one of my concerns about continuing the relationship or otherwise.
These past months, I’ve met some guys and I’ve tried to get close to them with an open heart and an open mind; I pushed aside those criteria of an ideal man and I’ve tried to accept their likes and dislikes, how they lived their lives, and how their values could match with mine.
So, I started to see these two guys. The first guy has different values with mine, different life goals and passion, different taste of music and movies, and different hobbies. The second one is just like my own reflection; we’ve raised by the same culture and values, he likes to write and read the books that I’ve read, and he totally understands my passion and life goals.
The interesting part was, I just realized that I like both of them the same because they have one same quality; they always try to understand me. Whether they have similarities or differences with me, they always put effort to understand my ideas, thoughts, and opinions about things; they respect me as I am. They never judged my choices toward things, they listened to my words as I listened to theirs, and they treated me the way I want to be treated. My experience with them made me comprehend a crucial thing about how love supposed to be.
It’s never been about similarities or differences, but it’s about trying to understand, respect, and compromise each other.  
Right now, I’m close with both of them; but I start to realize that I like the second guy more than the other. Why? Because he helps me a lot to be better and to reach my life goals; he gives me motivation and his ambition towards his goals makes me don’t want to give up each time life brings me down.
I’ve learned that love is about trying to understand each other’s passion and how it makes both of you feel alive each day. Love is about trying to support each other’s dreams. Love is about trying to understand the reasons behind disagreements, anger, disappointments, fears, and insecurities. Love is not about changing the way they are, but it’s about changing us to be better for each other every day.
Love is about learning their lives and making them learning ours as well; no matter how similar or different it is.
We should acknowledge that love always comes with an effort— an effort to understand, accept and compromise what inside that one person. So, if you’re looking for the one; toss aside those criteria and start to recognize about how they make you feel and ask yourself; “Am I being myself when I’m with him/her? Is he/she making me a better person?” and don’t lie to yourself when you answer to those questions. Trust your intuition about this person; when you feel something’s not right or vice versa, believe it and don’t be afraid to make a decision whether you should stay or leave the relationship.
At the end of the day, we will never find that perfect person who has the similarities or differences to make this life more interesting than it used to be. We are the ones who make our lives interesting with or without anyone else— once we feel comfortable with our own life, that’s the exact moment we are ready to find the one.      
Featured image via pexels
Originally published at The Minds Journal (May 20, 2017)

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