I Love You But You're Not Even Mine

By Rayi Noormega - December 09, 2017


Since I’ve met you, now I believe that a pure love exists. The kind of love that makes me learn each day to be patient. The kind of love which doesn’t hurt because it’s falling slowly and doesn’t make me scared of its height. The kind of love that feels calm and rational it doesn’t make me blind to prejudice and jealousy. The kind of love which never suffocates my lungs, because it has fewer expectations and obsessions toward reciprocation.
Since I’ve met you, now I believe that a genuine love is possible. The kind of love that makes me prioritize your happiness and nothing else matters. The kind of love which doesn’t require any reasons, explanations, or justifications. The kind of love which makes me no longer care about those differences that we have, the relationship status, your racial and family backgrounds, your religion, and even your past. I just simply love you and want your happiness to be mine as well.
Since I’ve met you, now I know that love should make me stronger instead of vulnerable. You’ve made me learn about my own self-worth and you make me realize what I truly deserve. Without being mine, you teach me to be honest with myself and my own feelings. Without being mine, you make me learn that a real love shouldn’t be in a rush and everything requires time to grow, including your feeling towards me.

Without being mine, you make me learn to love and think clearly at the same time.

Since I’ve met you, I’m slowly learning that loving someone doesn’t always mean that I should own them.
Now I understand that it’s possible to love someone so deeply without making them our own. It’s possible to love someone wholeheartedly and set them free at the same time; because love should make people feel free instead of being chained. Love is letting them choose their own happiness without forcing them to choose you as their happiness. Love is when you prepare your heart to let them go if the universe breaks you apart.
Since I’ve met you, now I know that love is all about faith and timing. A faith to always believe that the universe will always give us the love which we deserve. A faith to always keep our hearts open and let people in, even though there is no guarantee that they will always stay. Love is about having faith that the universe will always mend our broken hearts each time we’re rejected and disappointed by our own expectations. Love is being patient and waiting for the perfect timing to meet that person who will love us the same way.
Since I’ve met you, now I understand that being loved is not the same as being chosen.

If at the end of the day you won’t choose me as yours, I will still believe that the love which I have felt this whole time, is real and sincere.

The love which I have towards you will be my own example of how to love others the same way. I will love other people without any expectation that it will be returned or reciprocated. I will love other people sincerely, and it doesn’t make me break apart from the disappointment.
I can’t make you choose me and it’s okay. It’s not sad or pathetic either and I’m proud of myself instead. I’m proud that I could love someone so deeply without being fragile, and I never expect myself to be yours. Not many people could love you as deep and sincere as I did; my love towards you is my own accomplishment in life. I thank you for teaching me many things about love without ever being mine.
In the end, I know that I can’t make you mine, but this love within me will always be yours. 

Featured image via pexels
Originally published at Thought Catalog (November 14, 2017)

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