I’m Slowly Accepting That I’m Broken And Ready To Heal

By Rayi Noormega - December 09, 2017


This is me accepting the fact that I feel damage and broken beyond repair. My heart is shattered into parts, I feel the pain, and everything is complicated. I feel lost and confused. I don’t know what’s going to happen next and I don’t want to know it either. I just want to let everything happen the way it should and I will only go through one day at a time. I understand that I’m broken and I need to heal. I know exactly that I should move on and the only way to heal my wounds is to accept its pain as I forgive myself along the way.
I’m slowly accepting myself who was too easy in trusting people and giving my heart to other people. I am forgiving myself for being too clumsy on giving my heart, on falling in love, on making mistakes in choosing the wrong ones, for being hurt over and over again. I have learned my own lessons and now I know exactly that I should love people more without having any expectations. I understand that love should make me stronger instead of feeling fragile and the only way to do it is to love without expecting any reciprocation.
I’m slowly forgiving myself for always letting people chose me as their second best.
I’m forgiving myself who always been taken for granted, simply because I always present for them through thick and thin. I’m accepting myself for being honest and loyal even to the ones who treated me like shit. Now, I know exactly that I should value my own self-worth and I’m not scared of getting out of those toxic relationships. I understand that I should be treated the same way I’ve treated other people with kindness just because.
I’m slowly accepting myself who was always in doubt and giving other people mixed signals. Maybe this whole time, I was the reason on why people have walked away from my life or maybe, I was the one who has always walked away from theirs. I’m forgiving myself for taking other people’s kindness for granted. I have learned that I should give my attention and be more grateful for the ones who still stay beside me instead of mourning those who left me behind.
I’m forgiving myself for being too scared of saying what I genuinely felt towards other people. I know that I should have been braver and it’s okay to say what I feel. I’m forgiving myself for those words which have been unspoken and those feelings which have been wasted, just because I was valuing my own pride more than honesty. From now on, I will no longer live my life behind my ego as I understand that people should know what I really feel towards them.
I’m slowly accepting that my life needs to be a mess and I need to be broken to really understand the purpose of my own existence. I’m accepting myself who feel so lost and confused.
Now, I totally understand that I can’t always control everything that will happen and I can’t always get what I want in life. I’m accepting the way life has separated me with the ones I loved, broke my heart because of those rejections, and made me feel so lonely even in the place full of people. But, I’m also accepting and trusting the way life will mend my broken heart and give countless lessons for me to grow wiser.
I’m accepting the fact that most of the times, I don’t know what’s good for me and the universe knows best. I might be broken now, but I know I will be just fine.
This is me accepting that I’m broken beyond repair and I’m still on my way to heal myself. I accept the pain, the hurt, the bad memories, the loneliness, and the despair. I accept myself who can’t always be strong and I’m slowly learning that it’s totally okay to say “I’m not okay.”
From now on, I will love my brokenness and be proud of it; this is me accepting my own brokenness in order to completely heal. 

Featured image via pexels
Originally published at Thought Catalog (November 16, 2017)

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