Wonder Woman Can't Come Today



I guess, Wonder Woman can't come today as she brought you here, in front of my front door bleeding your heart out. Maybe, she is fighting some battles within herself too as she knows that she can't help other people when all she needs is saving herself. Maybe, she forgets to tell you that everything will be fine and even if she has said it, you no longer believe her the way you used to when you were 5 years old. 

Today, like any other day when Wonder Woman couldn't come along to save someone's day, they knocked on my front door, asked me some questions, and like any other day, I will say, "I don't know."

If the next person comes along, together with her broken heart on her hands or the past which sticks below his shoes, I will say, “I don’t know.” 

I don’t know the way to make it through the day when Wonder Woman can’t come to save the day and I forget the way to wear my cape all by myself. I don’t know the way to fix the window of his heart when she just got into the house and left the door open with the pieces of broken trust left on his porch. I don’t even know how to trace his footsteps or smell his perfume once he left you disappointed right after he kissed your darkness last night. 

If the next person comes along, together with countless questions about life, loss, and grieve stitched upon his skin or embroidered beautifully along with her dress, I will say, “I don’t know.”

I don’t know the way to heal the wounds which couldn’t be healed with a cup of hot chocolate or a single band-aid that I just bought to stop you from bleeding. I don’t know the fastest way for you just to breathe when you gasp for air, drowned from the ocean of loss and denial anchored you down below. I don’t know how to keep you afloat and make you realize that there are still plenty of fishes in the sea when I know that all you need is a steady shore to rest down your fear which keeps you wide awake last night at 2 AM.

I don’t know how to heal our wounds overnight. 

But, I know for sure that even Wonder Woman can’t come today, we’ll try to sew the cape and we’ll wear it all by ourselves. We’ll try to fix the broken window and put the broken glasses piece by piece and if somebody shattered it over again, we’ll buy some extra glues and I’ll keep it save in the drawer in case you want to put it all together, all by yourself. 

We’ll learn how to swim when the hurricanes were already gone and the sea was steady once more, but if the thunder comes from the west or the east with some stronger waves, listen to the way it breaks you hard and don’t fight the coldness of the wind. Let yourself drown until you know that the depth of the ocean will no longer suffocate your lungs ever  again.    

If the next person comes along in front of my front door while he or she is bleeding and says, “I need your help.” I will let them in and instead of giving them the answers, some band-aids, or the steps of healing, I will hold their hands and lend them the mirror I used to see my own blood and say, 


May you see nothing but forgiveness."


Wonder Woman can't come today. 
She is standing in my front door and I let her in. 


Jakarta, July 7 2019 | 17:57

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